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Saturday, 29 August 2009

Fun in the sun

So as you all know, I love the water, surfing and swimming with sharks and such. Well, the other day I was out on my private lake, just messing around with some of my water equipment. I decided that I would practice my kayaking skills, seeing as some time later this year I will embark on a kayaking journey consisting of rapids, that will, as I'm sure you are all aware, take some skill to get through safely. As I was paddling around the lake, practicing quick turns and stops, I decided to try something called the barrel roll. Now for those of you that don't know what it is, I will give a brief explanation. When you flip your kayak, either on purpose, or by accident, and while wearing something called a skirt (see below), continue the rolling process and emerge from the water, slightly soaked but still floating.

The roll didn't go exactly as planned. I made it upside down, sitting there in my kayak down under the water, thinking of how I was going to finish the roll. Squinting my eyes open, trying to get my barrings, I was just about to begin the rolling action back to right my self, when I saw the biggest diamond my eyes had ever seen, just sitting there beneath me. As I reached out to grab it, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen dove into the water face first. Her head dove just beneath my face, smiled, then resurfaced. This action made me immediately stop staring at the giant stone and turn my focus elsewhere. I quickly popped out of the kayak and surfaced myself. Turning around just in time to see her getting out of the water, wearing one of the hottest swim suits I had ever seen. I got up the courage to go over to talk to her. The conversation however, was very short... This is how it went.

Her: "Hi?"

Me: "Hi"

Her: "Uhh, can I help you with something... and quit starring at me."

Me: "Actually, you can help me with something, you can get the **** off my damn property you *****. Don't come around here wearing your skimpy bathing suit expecting a free swim just because you are attractive."

Then I grabbed my gun, and chased her off my land. I always seem to have so much fun where ever I go don't I?

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

So the other day...

Being independently wealthy has its advantages. Last week while tak ing one of my many adventurous trips, I decided to take a dip in the cool waters off the coast of Australia at a little place called surfers' paradise. Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm a bit of a pro when it comes to the water. Surfing, water skiing, shark wrangling, you name it, I've done it.

Jumping onto my surf board, and paddling out into the big blue yonder I felt my heart racing, excitement building inside me. Just as I was about to stand up, and surf my heart away, I caught a glimpse of something... something BIG. I looked right at it, as I rode the wave, nothing between me and the massive killer of the deep. Slowly, as not to surprise it, I raised my fists, ready to do combat with the beast, knowing full well it was an unfair fight. Finally, my karate class in 7 was going to pay off after all. It all seemed to happen so fast, I felt as if I was being taken over by some being, even more powerful the I. Lunging at the massive beast I produced a quick jab or two to the side of his massive gills knocked him out cold, floating there on top of the water. Looking at my downed opponent, I noticed the beautiful row of white teeth gleaming inside the mouth. Swimming over, I stepped into the mouth of the shark. Throwing my self head on at one of the teeth, I knocked it loose, quickly pocketing the beautiful object and jumping back into the water, grabbing my surf board, and swimming to shore, turning back just in time to catch the beast regain consciousness, and dive into the depths of the deep. A hand in my pocket, fist clenched around my prize, I knew that it was one trip I was never going to forget.